Three Levels of Love...Starting your journey....

When I lay in bed at night, I first pray for all of my fears, that someone will get hurt while I'm sleeping, to be protected, to protect our house from fire, nature, and unwelcome guests, that all of the hearts that I witnessed being broken, would feel peace and find a new purpose...and on it goes through life's ups and downs, and all arounds!  I usually have some of the greatest, most intimate conversations with God at the end of my day! Yet, I never have a pen and paper to write some of the most amazing revelations that come to me! I decided today to start a blog, to capture what I can from this journey and to share it with all those I love, and to have them available to my daughter who will cherish my words someday when I'm gone!
I have been reflecting a lot lately about the journey that I have traveled with God, how much it has changed through time, and how much deeper it is becoming! It's truly amazing to know that there is a real relationship that is developing with your Creator, and that truly is the most important relationship that I cherish, because it is a direct reflection of all of my other relationships, with my friends, my family and the rest of the world!
My journey to God, has been interesting and unique to say the least! There have been miracles and tragedies all intertwined in this amazing gift that I have been given. I know that my journey started when I went to college, when I made some of my worst mistakes, and when my mind was younger and my search for life's purpose for myself was so strong and carefree!! I had no idea where that part of the journey would lead me, I had no clue that I was as broken as I was, and that the first item of business was healing!  I never grew up w/ much of an education or exposure to God, I had always loved and believed in Jesus, but did not invest much of my personal belief! At one point he was like Santa Clause, someone that I could ask for things from, or someone that could get me out of the trouble that I was in! I would threaten Him to make a choice that I knew that He did not approve of if the consequences of my sins were going to turn into my deepest, darkest fears! I tried to bully God to fit my lifestyle! Typical for my personality, being pushy to get my way, little consideration for how others felt, or what my choices did to them! A SPOILED ROTTEN BRAT!!!! It was the childhood of my spirituality, I was disrespectful, foolish, cocky, arrogant, and I never seemed to learn my lesson, a lot like teenage years or any three year old, immature, lost, but a canvas that needed cleaned, stretched and stabilized so that God could paint His masterpiece, so that the reflection of Him could shine through my soul and in turn, heal, help, guide, comfort, and give peace and happiness to all whose paths I would cross in the years to come! In my heart, that God has given me, those above things, are what pluck my heart strings, they feel like my purpose for being on this Earth, and as I journey and discover each of them, I have faith that God will provide those that need them, put them in my life, and doing God's Will, becomes like a vein in a river, that makes everything flow and change where it needs to be changed in a smooth healing almost ecstatic form, rather than through the cuts, bruises,sorrows, pains, regrets that is caused by sin, and not reflecting first on God's way! When we are to stubborn to do God's Will, and instead turn to sin to cover up the need for change, we inflict upon ourselves our worst memories, our deepest heartaches, or worst sorrows, and again, we are in need of healing before we can continue to do God's will! As a human race we have made some deep wounds upon all mankind, we have no control over the choices of others, but we are all directly linked to each other, to our ancestors, to the past, although we repeatedly tell each other not to dwell on the past, if we are not using our lessons from it to change the present, then our future contains the same sins, heartaches, sorrows, that we spend all of our lives trying to get past......and we stand still!! When we are standing still, and everything and everyone else is moving forward, in God's Divine PlanAWWww!! Each one is unique, none of them are the same, which adds to the beauty of each of them! I believe that to start your journey with God, you have to realize it has nothing to do with where anyone else is on their journey, and it has everything to do with what you treasure in your heart from your first day of birth! All the things that you cherish and hold dear, all the things that you decide mean the most to you, like family, friends, love, laughter, music, dancing, imagination, art, helping others, those are the clues to finding the best relationships! It is something we learn, no longer on autopilot from our childhood, when we reach a certain age, it's the traditions, values, and love that we choose to be a part of, that determines our place among the Heavenly Stars!